Domestic Violence in Utah

Stefani Swonson

Issue date: 11/16/04

Marydell Leavitt, is a Utah resident, mother, grandmother, and friend and she died in August in a very violent manner.

Please read this , and maybe it will spark something inside of you.

"She heard Frank her ex-husband say that he was looking to find a .45 caliber pistol for his friend to take to the shooting range. Her jaw dropped to the floor." That .45 caliber pistol is what took the life of the young Marydell Leavitt. She was brutally shot and killed by her ex-husband one month to the day after the death of Lori Hacking.

All too often we hear about victims and cases of domestic violence in Utah. It is true that most people avoid dark streets and dangerous places, but the most serious threat could be right inside your own front door.

"It's primarily women who are more at risk of being killed in Utah and that's sort of a contrast of how most of us think of Utah as a relatively safe state," says Dr. Jacquelyn Campbell of Johns Hopkins University.

In 2003, the Division of Child and Family Services in Utah County investigated 621 cases where 1,228 children witnessed domestic violence in their homes.

The Utah Domestic Violence Link line received 4,480 calls, and Provo's Center for Women and Children in Crisis received 4,224 calls. The center also sheltered 174 women and 221 children last year.

Domestic Violence is "abuse committed against an adult or a fully emancipated minor who is a spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former cohabitant, a person with whom the suspect has had a child or is having or has had a dating or engagement relationship. Same sex relationship included."

In a state where most people feel so safe, what could possibly be causing the domestic violence rate to rise? Corie Bona, chair of the subcommittee for the Utah County Domestic Violence Coalition, explained, "Utah's unemployment rate, drug and alcohol abuse and unresolved mental - health issues are possible factors in abuse situations." Although many other factors may play a role, Bona is convinced these are the main factors.

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Is Someone You Know Being Abused?

There is no way to tell for sure if someone is experiencing domestic violence. Those who are battered, and those who abuse, come in all genders, shapes, sizes, colors, economic classes, sexual orientations and personality types. Victims are not always passive with low self-esteem, and batterers are not always violent or hateful to their partner in front of others. Most people experiencing relationship violence do not tell others what goes on at home. So how do you tell? Look for the signs:

Injuries and Excuses:

In some cases, bruises and injuries may occur frequently and be in obvious places. When this happens, the intent of the batterer is to keep the victim isolated and trapped at home. When black eyes and other bruising is a result of domestic violence, the person being battered may be forced to call in sick to work, or face the embarrassment and excuses of how the injuries occurred. When there are frequent injuries seen by others, the victim may talk about being clumsy, or have elaborate stories of how the injuries occurred. In other cases, bruises and other outward injuries may be inflicted in places where the injuries won't show. This too is a tactic used by an abuser to keep a victim from reaching out or from having the violence exposed.

Absences from Work or School:

When severe beatings or other trauma related to violence occurs, the victim may take time off from their normal schedule. If you see this happening, or the person is frequently late, this could be a sign of something (such as relationship violence) occurring.

Low Self-Esteem:

Some victims have low self-esteem, while others have a great deal of confidence and esteem in other areas of their life (at work, as a parent, with hobbies, etc.) but not within their relationship. In terms of dealing with the relationship, a sense of powerlessness may exist. A victim may believe that they could not make it on their own or that they are somehow better off with the abuser as part of their life.

Personality Changes:

People may notice that a very outgoing person, for instance, becoming quiet and shy around their partner over time. This happens because the one being battered "walks on egg shells" when in the presence of the one who is abusive. Accusations (of flirting, talking too loudly, or telling the wrong story to someone) have taught the abused person that it is easier to act a certain way around the batterer than to experience additional accusations in the future.

Fear of Conflict:

As a result of being battered, some victims may generalize the experience of powerlessness with other relationships. Conflicts with co-workers, friends, relatives, and neighbors can create a lot of anxiety. For many, it is easier to give in to whatever someone else wants than to challenge it. Asserting needs and desires begins to feel like a battle, and not worth the risks of losing. Victims may also exhibit overly-friendly behavior, particularly to those that they perceive as being in a position of power ... like the abuser's inlaws, a boss or a supervisor at work, or even to advocates if a victim is seeking help from a domestic violence program. This can manifest as everything from sending cards to only very casual acquaintences to making dinner or providing over-indulgent attention.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior:

For adults or children who have experienced violence from a loved one, the ability to identify feelings and wants, and to express them, may not exist. This could result in passive-aggressive behavior. Rather than telling others what they want, they say one thing but then express anger or frustration in an aggressive manner (such as burning dinner, or not completing a report on time for their boss).

Self-blame:

You may notice someone taking all of the blame for things that go wrong. A co-worker may share a story about something that happened at home and then take all of the blame for whatever occurred. If you notice this happening a lot, it may be a sign that this person is being experiencing emotional abuse. Keep in mind that in an emotionally abusive relationship, abusers often excel at constantly "reminding" the victim that THEY are to blame for whatever has been happening. Once internalized, this can poison one's ability to see through an abuser's lies.

Isolation and Control:

In general, adults who are abused physically are often isolated. Their partners tend to control their lives to a great extent as well as verbally degrade them. This isolation is intended to make the abuser the center of the victim's universe, as well as to purposefully limit the victim's access to others who might attempt to help the victim escape. You might notice that someone: has limited access to the telephone, frequently makes excuses as to why they can't see you or they insist that their partner has to come along, doesn't seem to be able to make decisions about spending money, isn't allowed to drive, go to school or get a job; or has a noteable change in self-esteem which might include inability to make eye contact or looking away or at the ground when talking.